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Title: Alien in the 7-Eleven at 3am: A Study.

Author: Eleanor K.

Fandom: Stargate: SG-1

Rating: G

For Nikki, who provided the following line as a staring point:
Daniel should have known that it was a bad idea to bring Teal'c with him on a coffee run, but wasn't thinking clearly due to a lack of caffeine in his bloodstream.


Daniel should have known that it was a bad idea to bring Teal'c with him on a coffee run, but wasn't thinking clearly due to a lack of caffeine in his bloodstream. Now they were outside and walking towards Daniel's car, and it was too late.

Teal'c was wearing his Murray hat, Dockers, and a Hawaiian shirt that he'd bought for himself online with Jack's credit card and collusion. Daniel knew this because he'd overheard Janet and Sam being appalled about it at lunch. Admittedly, it was a little too red and pink for Danielís taste, but he didn't think it could fairly be described as "lurid."

"I believe I could operate this vehicle if you are too fatigued, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said as they reached the car.

Daniel noted this as the first sign of trouble, sure it wouldn't be the last.

"That's okay, really."

The drive to the 7-Eleven was a short one, and Teal'c was too fascinated by life outside the mountain to make conversation, for which Daniel was grateful. He wouldn't be up to much in the way of mental activity until at least five minutes after he got that first cup.

He pulled into the lot and got out. Coffee was only seconds away. Then everything would seem much clearer, including, hopefully, the translation he was working on.

Teal'c followed him into the fluorescent-bright interior and stopped just inside. His eyes covered the store and then stopped on Daniel's face.

"Is this a shrine of some sort?" Teal'c asked.

Daniel blinked and headed for the coffee, trusting that Teal'c would follow.

"Well, I guess you could put it that way. Sort of a shrine to convenience. I mean, it's really everything you need, right here." He gestured, taking in the aisles of candy bars, chips, toothpaste, and feminine hygiene products; the Slurpee and nacho machines; and, of course, the coffee.

Teal'c indicated the hot dogs on their rotating stand. "This has no religious significance?"

Daniel thought briefly of prayer wheels, Tibetan culture, the juxtaposition of Buddhism and the American veneration of everything fast and easy. He took a breath to start saying it all and let it out again. Some fast and easy coffee was in order first.

"Not in any conventional sense of the word," he said instead, pouring four cups. Sam was probably still at work, and between the two of them they could drink that much, assuming no else wanted relief from what the base called coffee.

He stuck them in a four-pack container and paid at the counter. Fueled by the first sip, he started explaining the evolution of the American fast food way of life and its invasion of traditional Eastern culture.

It was an interesting subject and kept them occupied all the way back. He was surprised at how wrong things hadn't gone, contrary to all expectation.

It wasn't until the next day that he realized his mistake.

"So, Daniel." Jack came up behind him and slapped him on the back, making his pen skid across the page.

"Yes, Jack?"

"Want to tell me why exactly the ultimate expression of Christianity is a vending machine full of little plastic Jesuses?"

Daniel sighed. He tended to forget that Teal'c listened when he talked and that Teal'c's powers of extrapolation were not always used for good.

He put his pen down and started trying to explain, relieved for once that Jack wouldn't listen to a word he said.

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